Through the lens of social media glossiness and the pressures of #HustleCulture, many individuals find themselves in the grips of an unhealthy obsession with excellence that can breed anxiety and self-doubt.
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We live in a world where perfectionism is often celebrated. From social media filters to #hustleculture, striving for flawlessness is constantly framed as a sign of ambition and success.
But what happens when those high standards begin to weigh you down, leaving you feeling anxious, inadequate, and constantly falling short?
Perfectionism and anxiety often go hand-in-hand, feeding off each other in a cycle that can feel impossible to escape.
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is an unhealthy obsession with flawlessness. It’s more than just wanting to do well; it’s about setting impossible standards for yourself, fearing mistakes, and constantly comparing yourself to others.
Here are some signs of perfectionism:
Perfectionism and anxiety are natural companions
Anxiety thrives on fear and uncertainty, and perfectionism feeds that fear by creating constant pressure to perform. According to Dr Gordon Flett, a leading researcher on perfectionism, there are three types of perfectionism:
If conditional love, based on achievements or behaviour, was prevalent in one’s upbringing, the belief that self-worth hinges on performance may have taken root.
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Self-oriented perfectionism: Unrealistic standards you set for yourself, often leading to anxiety, depression, or even eating disorders.
Socially prescribed perfectionism: The bazothini abantu syndrome( what will people say). The belief that others are judging you harshly, leading to social anxiety.
Other-oriented perfectionism: Imposing unrealistic standards on others, often damaging relationships.
The root of the problem
The drive for perfection often begins in childhood, where validation from caregivers plays a critical role in shaping self-worth.
If love or approval is felt conditionally, based on achievements or good behaviour, you may have internalised the belief that your value is tied to performance.
Fast forward to adulthood, and this belief may manifest as perfectionism. Social media adds fuel to the fire, making it easy to compare yourself to curated versions of other people’s lives. The pressure to “do more, achieve more, and be more” becomes overwhelming.
Striving for excellence should not be confused with perfectionism. As researcher and author Dr Brené Brown explains, perfectionism is the belief that if we achieve perfection in all areas of our lives, we can protect ourselves from the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.
Shift the focus from unattainable milestones to achievable objectives. Divide larger tasks into smaller steps and celebrate each bit of progress.
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5 ways to break the perfectionism-anxiety cycle
Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t easy, but it’s possible. Here are practical strategies to help you start:
1. Challenge your inner critic
Pay attention to negative self-talk. Ask yourself: “Would I say this to a friend?” Replace harsh judgments with kinder, more realistic thoughts.
Permit yourself to be human. Mistakes aren’t failures; they’re opportunities to learn. Perfectionists often set unattainable goals, which only leads to disappointment.
Break big tasks into smaller, manageable steps, and celebrate progress no matter how small. Remember, good enough is often more than enough.
3. Investigate perfectionism with curiosity.
Notice when you push yourself to do something perfectly or criticise yourself for fumbling. What standard are you trying to meet and why? Identify the underlying worry and try shifting to wondering about an outcome instead of predicting a negative one.
4. Embrace imperfection
Not everything has to be perfect to be valuable. Whether it’s a messy house, a typo in an email, or a project that’s not 100% polished, remind yourself that imperfection is part of life.
5. Address imposter syndrome, fear of failure, and shame.
“People don’t know the failure I truly am.” “If I mess up, I’m a bad person.” Sounds familiar? Expectations of judgment, humiliation, or rejection due to mistakes reflect a fundamental, false belief of deficiency
6. Disconnect from social comparisons
Social media can be a perfectionist’s worst enemy. Limit your screen time, unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate, and focus on your own journey. Breaking the cycle of perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards or giving up on your goals.
It’s about redefining success, focusing on growth, not perfection, and valuing progress over performance. Perfectionism may seem like a badge of honour, but it often comes at the cost of your mental health.
