Are men really tougher when it comes to breakups?
Image: RDNE Stock project/pexels
When it comes to breakups, society loves to paint women as the emotional wrecks, drowning in tubs of ice cream and tear-stained playlists. Meanwhile, men are supposedly tough, brushing it off with gym sessions and casual hookups.
But guess what? Science is turning this stereotype on its head.
According to a Psypost.org study, men suffer more emotionally after a breakup than women do. Shocking, right? Turns out the “macho motto” of men being stoic and women being emotional isn’t just outdated; it’s flat-out wrong.
Research indicates that this emotional support gap significantly affects men after a breakup.
Image: Alex Green/pexels
Why do men hurt so much after a breakup?
The explanation is surprisingly simple: Men lean on their romantic partners for the majority (if not all) of their emotional support. Women, on the other hand, have built-in support systems: friends, family, therapy, and even group chats that light up during tough times.
As Iris Wahring, lead author of a study from Humboldt University of Berlin, explains, “Steady relationships are psychologically more important for men than for women.”
Why? Because men often don’t have anyone else to turn to. From a young age, boys are taught to “man up.” Showing vulnerability? Forget it. Talking about feelings? That’s for girls.
Meanwhile, girls are encouraged to share, process, and lean on others. By the time adulthood rolls around, women have mastered the art of emotional resilience, while men are left fumbling in the dark during a breakup.
Research shows that the emotional support gap is a major reason why men struggle post-breakup. Women cry with their friends, book therapy sessions, or dive into self-care rituals. Men? They bottle it up or turn to distractions like work, alcohol, or short-term flings, all while silently grieving the loss.
When a relationship ends, women tend to process the pain consciously. They talk about it (a lot), cry it out, and eventually move on.
Image: RDNE Stock project /pexels
Why women handle breakups better
Women aren’t born better at breakups; they’ve been socialised to handle emotions differently. According to another study published in "Social Psychological and Personality Science", single women are more likely to be content with their independence and less likely to jump into a new relationship to ease the pain.
This emotional independence might explain why women initiate nearly 70% of divorces, as reported by the American Sociological Association.
It’s not because women are cold or impulsive; it’s because they’re less reliant on their partner for emotional stability. When a relationship ends, women tend to process the pain consciously.
They talk about it (a lot), cry it out and eventually move on. Men, on the other hand, often avoid the emotional work altogether. They suppress their feelings only to have them resurface later, sometimes in unhealthy ways.
Still not convinced that men are secretly softies? A groundbreaking study led by Dr Charlotte Entwistle found that men talk about “heartache” more than women in online forums.
Words like regret, cry, breakup, and heartbroken were more commonly used by men than women when discussing relationship problems.
Dr Ryan Boyd, another researcher on the project, noted, “The stereotype that men are less emotionally invested in relationships than women is simply not accurate.”
Men were more likely to seek help for relationship issues in online spaces, where the stigma of vulnerability is lower. This suggests that when men feel safe to express their emotions, they’re just as invested in their relationships as women, if not more.
How men and women process breakups:
Women’s toolkit for breakups
1. Community support: Friends, family, and even coworkers rally around women during a breakup.
2. Open communication: Women are more likely to vent, cry, and share their feelings.
3. Self-reflection: Breakups often lead women to focus on self-growth, therapy, and rediscovering themselves.
4. Healthy coping mechanisms: Women gravitate toward journaling, yoga, and other self-care activities.
Men’s approach to breakups
1. Emotional isolation: Men rarely talk about their feelings with friends or family.
2. Distractions over healing: Many men throw themselves into work, hobbies, or casual dating to avoid the pain.
3. Delayed processing: Instead of facing their emotions head-on, men often suppress them, leading to longer-lasting heartbreak.
4. Online venting: Men are more likely to seek emotional support anonymously online. Understanding these differences isn’t just good trivia; it’s crucial for fostering healthier relationships.
Experts suggest that removing societal stigmas against men sharing their emotions could make a huge difference. When men feel safe to express vulnerability, they’re more likely to seek help, process their feelings, and ultimately heal.
