As adults, we often fall into the trap of expecting friendships to “just happen”.
Image: KoolShooters /pexels
In today’s age of individuality and “cutting people off for peace”, many adults find themselves yearning for meaningful friendships. Scroll through social media, and you’ll find countless posts from people lamenting how difficult it is to make friends as an adult.
But here’s the thing: building adult friendships isn’t impossible; it just requires effort, growth, and a willingness to adapt. #
While adulting often comes with competing responsibilities and a more selective nature about who we spend time with, the truth is that forging new connections starts with self-awareness and intentionality.
Psychologist Linda Baggett highlights in an article with the "LA Times", social interactions in our younger years were often facilitated by structured environments, like college or early job roles, which offered a ready-made cohort of peers.
Unfortunately, as we age, these natural opportunities for meeting new people dwindle and we are left with the reality that it’s up to us to forge connections deliberately.
A 2024 study found that 42% of adults feel they’re not as close to their friends as they’d like to be, while a 2025 survey by the American Psychiatric Association revealed that 1 in 3 adults feels lonely at least once a week.
A 2021 Harvard study highlighted that strong social connections can reduce stress, improve mental health, and even increase life expectancy.
Image: Mental Health America (MHA) /pexels
Here are five social skills to master if you’re ready to build stronger, lasting friendships as an adult, according to experts :
1. Check your assumptions
What you believe about yourself and others can heavily influence how you interact. For instance, if you assume people think you’re boring or awkward, you may misinterpret a neutral response like someone not laughing at your joke as confirmation of that belief.
Instead, approach conversations with an open mind. If you have a history of social anxiety, you may enter interactions harbouring strong assumptions.
These assumptions can distract you and prevent an emotional connection. By checking your internal narrative, you allow yourself to be present and observant of what someone is communicating.
This mindfulness creates space for genuine connections to form.
2. Switch up how you socialise
Not everyone is the same way. While you might love sarcasm or playful banter, someone else might prefer earnest conversation. This doesn’t mean you’re incompatible; it’s an opportunity to expand your social toolkit.
Adjusting how you interact with others doesn’t mean changing who you are. Instead, think of it as learning a new skill.
The more adaptable you are, the more likely you’ll connect with people of diverse personalities and communication styles.
3. Practice real listening
True listening is a rare skill, but it’s essential for building meaningful friendships. Many of us focus on what we plan to say next rather than fully engaging with what the other person is saying.
If you’re anxious in social situations, you can miss cues because you’re preoccupied with how you’re coming across. Instead, approach conversations with genuine curiosity. Ask thoughtful follow-up questions based on what the person has shared.
This shows you’re engaged and invested in the interaction, making the other person feel seen and heard.
4. Don’t underestimate small talk
Let’s be honest: most of us hate small talk. It can feel dull or even pointless. But small talk serves an important purpose, it’s how relationships begin.
Psychologist Albert Bonfil reminds us, “Relationships don’t start off deep and profound. They start off very superficial.”
Small talk allows you to gauge someone’s personality, interests, and energy without diving into heavy topics too soon. Think of small talk as a stepping stone.
Chat about the weather, sports, or the latest TV shows, and over time, you’ll naturally transition to deeper, more meaningful conversations.
5. Share in moderation
Vulnerability is key to building trust, but it’s important to strike a balance. Oversharing too quickly can overwhelm a new friend, while withholding too much can make you seem closed off.
For a friendship to deepen, both parties need to show vulnerability. This doesn’t mean dumping all your problems on someone new. Instead, share bits of yourself gradually, and pay attention to how the other person responds. If you find yourself dominating conversations, take a step back.
Ask your friend about their experiences and opinions, and give them space to share their story too. Making friends as an adult is challenging because it requires more intention and effort than it did in our younger years.
You’re juggling work, family, and other responsibilities, and it’s easy to prioritise convenience over connection. However, deep friendships are essential to our mental and emotional well-being.
A 2021 Harvard study highlighted that strong social connections can reduce stress, improve mental health, and even increase life expectancy. So, while it may take time and energy, the rewards of cultivating meaningful friendships are worth the effort. As adults, we often fall into the trap of expecting friendships to “just happen.” But relationships require growth not just from others, but from ourselves.