With the passing of the legalisation on same-sex marriage this week, Mongezi Chirwa and his partner can now wed - but they are now caught between culture and the constitution.
Chirwa, of Alexandra, said he and his partner - who does not want to be identified - want to get married, but his partner's grandmother would not hear of him paying lobolo for a man.
"She refers to it as ihlazo (disgrace) to pay lobolo for another man and she has refused to even take the subject to his uncles," said Chirwa.
Already Chirwa is having problems fitting in when there are cultural events at his home, even though his family are aware of his sexual orientation.
"I don't know where to fit in during these events because if I am helping in the kitchen, my uncle would ask why I am helping in the kitchen, and when I am with the men, I don't fit in," he said.
The passing of the bill, which is due to be signed into law by President Thabo Mbeki before the end of the month, has generated fierce debate on mainly religious grounds.
But it has also sparked controversy in relation to African custom, where there are gender-linked roles, responsibilities and ceremonies for couples to perform.
Flamboyant doctor Mveleli Gqwede, popularly known as Dr Love, has pronounced that same-sex marriages would not work in black communities.
He has since been labelled a sellout by the gay community and has been forced to hire bodyguards after being threatened over his statements.
His sentiments are echoed by traditionalists, too. Nokuzola Mndende, director of the Icamagu Institute, has said that "legalising same-sex marriages is an insult to our culture as black people".
Mndende said it would be difficult to accept black same-sex couples because there were gender roles, both social and spiritual, for a married couple.
She said that if an umakoti (bride) is now a man, "how are we going to perform the rituals and the ceremonies?"
"Firstly, when a man announces that he wants to marry, there is a process of ukucela intombi (asking for the bride) and the families meet. Who is now going to be unozakuzaku (delegation that negotiates lobolo for the groom) for a man who wants to marry another man?
"Then there is the issue of lobolo. Normally it is the man who pays lobolo, but in this case, who is going to pay it?"
Mndende said another reason for a couple deciding to get married was procreation, and in most African cultures, the family expected children after a marriage.
She said that when the bride has been brought to her new family, a room is reserved for her - and it is known what is going to happen in that room.
"Now, as a role-model to this clan, how can I allow males or females to go to that room; what is the moral teaching behind that? To us that is immoral, both spiritually and socially," Mndende said.
She added she was disappointed by black judges who seemed to kowtow to an "imported, immoral constitution".
"I would love to remind them to go back to their traditions and do some introspection, to compare what they are doing with their traditions to see if they are on the right track."
She said she was frustrated that the government, although black-led, was trying so hard to destabilise tradition.
But Vista Kalipa, of the Triangle Project, an organisation for gay and lesbian interests, said Mndende and other traditionalists had to understand that the prevailing gender roles and ceremonies were established by people who did not recognise same-sex marriages.
"Certain aspects of the tradition would have to be reviewed to accommodate gays and lesbians," said Kalipa.
He added he did not see any reason for a same-sex couple not to be integrated into the larger family if that family accepted the sexuality of their son or daughter.
Dr Mongezi Guma, of the Commission for the Promotion and Protection of the Rights of Cultural, Religion and Linguistic Communities, said cultural practices were inventions by communities, so communities began to make adjustments as they responded to pressures.
"To say 'no, it's not cultural' is natural and expected, but communities will need to engage themselves in a way that accommodates external pressures because our constitution forces us to revisit and examine how we relate to one another," said Guma.
Culture was not as static as many people wanted to believe.
"Communities have had ways of accommodating emerging challenges within a culture. For instance, cattle were used before as a way of paying lobolo, but today money and cheques with receipts are used.
'So this is one way that communities have accommodated culture," Guma added.