The economy isn’t on our side. Huge franchises are closing, people are losing their jobs left and right, and the job market feels like it’s shrinking by the day, says the writer.
Image: Picture: Nick Youngson/Pix4free.org
Jennifer Mdluli, the writer
Image: Jennifer Mdluli
In a world constantly filled with information, warnings, and judgments, insecurities have a way of creeping into our minds, often without warning. These quiet doubts steal the moments that should bring us peace, joy, and connection, casting shadows over relationships, opportunities, and even our happiness.
We live in a society that encourages us to be constantly vigilant and protect ourselves from dangers that may lurk around every corner.
But we sometimes become so consumed with guarding against the unknown that we forget how to simply live in the present — how to truly experience joy. Insecurities are a natural part of being human.
We all feel them to some degree. But when they begin to dominate how we view ourselves and others, they can distort everything. Instead of embracing a conversation, a moment, or a connection, we find ourselves questioning every word, second-guessing our actions, and measuring ourselves against impossible standards.
Questions like: Am I enough? What will they think of me? What if I mess up? start to fill our minds, preventing us from fully engaging with the world around us.
Right now, I feel like I'm living amid these insecurities. In a world that constantly tells us, “We become what we think,” and pushes us to adopt the “power of the tongue,” we’re encouraged to stop saying negative things about ourselves.
Instead of declaring that we are tired, depressed, broke, and hopeless, we’re supposed to say things like, “I am grateful, I am blessed, my time is coming,” and manifest multiple streams of income. But here’s the thing: I feel broke, depressed, and hopeless. I understand the need to rechannel my thoughts, and to feel different, but it can be difficult.
The mind is powerful. It’s tough to constantly flip a switch and feel better when everything feels so heavy. Can I not just cry and be allowed to feel what I feel without being discouraged or told to think differently?
It’s exhausting, and it feels like the thoughts never stop. Looking at the year, we’re only in the second month, and yet we’ve already set resolutions for ourselves. It’s easy to reflect on them now and realize how much we’ve already strayed from them. How do we even begin to write resolutions when we’re consumed by insecurities?
Every time I try to move forward, I feel like my joy is stolen in the blink of an eye. It’s hard to focus on the future when I’m constantly reminded of the struggles in the present—no food, no job, no relationship, no stability. Society tells us that these things define our worth and that without them, we don’t measure up.
We wonder, Am I enough? What will they think of me? What if I mess up? These lingering questions control us, and honestly, I don’t think they’re wrong to ask. There’s truth in them, even though they hurt.
The economy isn’t on our side. Huge franchises are closing, people are losing their jobs left and right, and the job market feels like it’s shrinking by the day. After being unemployed for over two years, I can’t help but wonder: What chance do I stand in this world when everyone around me is struggling? People are moving to other countries for better opportunities, and I’m still stuck.
Every rejection email makes it harder to believe in myself, to believe in the possibility of change. I update my CV, I take online courses, and I put myself out there, vulnerable, but it still feels like no one is interested. The feeling of inadequacy is overwhelming.
And it’s not just about jobs. It’s about waking up in a world where everyone seems to have something to get up for—school, work, purpose. When you’re still trying to figure it out, there’s a creeping guilt that sets in.
How can I complain about the little noises in the morning when I’m still in bed, doing nothing? People are moving forward, and I’m standing still. That’s when the insecurities strike hardest — like wrestlers battling in your mind at the brink of dawn.
How depressing is that? And then, there's the pressure of special days like Valentine’s Day, which makes being single feel even more isolating. I’ve been single for so long, and while I try to convince myself that I’m okay, that I’m not insecure, it’s hard when I see the world celebrating love.
It sneaks in, those feelings of loneliness, of wondering if there’s something wrong with me. The insecurities I’ve been battling to overcome creep back into my thoughts: Am I enough? What will they think of me? What if I mess up? Insecurities have a way of stealing joy at every turn. From the pursuit of resolutions to the endless cycle of rejection and the fear of not being good enough, these silent thieves make it hard to move forward.
But even amid this struggle, I’m learning that it’s okay to feel what I feel and to face my insecurities without shame. The key isn’t necessarily to banish them but to acknowledge them and continue to move through them.
Even if it’s one small step at a time. And that, for now, is enough.
*Mdluli is a passionate radio broadcaster, gymnastics coach and facilitator dedicated to youth and community development. A member of the writer's hub, 2019 Activator that inspires positive change through creativity and engagement.
